


Bred to Die, Fought to Live

by Slytherclaw_Spice_and_Everything_Nice, the_fifth_marauder101



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Hermione Granger, Banished Draco Malfoy, Drarry, Good Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter gives no fucks, Implied/Referenced Torture, Insecure Draco Malfoy, M/M, No will to live, POV Alternating, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Harry Potter, Post-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Self Isolation, Spy Draco Malfoy, The Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter) is Terrible, Until There Is, bookshops, fluff at the end, happy ending I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-04-23 02:45:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19141981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slytherclaw_Spice_and_Everything_Nice/pseuds/Slytherclaw_Spice_and_Everything_Nice, https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_fifth_marauder101/pseuds/the_fifth_marauder101
Summary: "It was hard, being a spy at 15, but it's harder knowing you'll have to be one your whole life"In which Draco was a spy for the Light, for this war, and unfortunately, for any more to come.He was bred to spy, to die. To stay in the dark, even though he begged to be in the light.





	1. 1: Draco

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [What We Left Behind](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19028530) by [ana_iliad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ana_iliad/pseuds/ana_iliad), [ashes_and_ashes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashes_and_ashes/pseuds/ashes_and_ashes), [gameofdrarrymod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gameofdrarrymod/pseuds/gameofdrarrymod). 



> Draco was written by Vixen ( @the_fifth_marauder101 )
> 
> and 
> 
> Harry was written by Dee ( @Slytherclaw_Spice_and_Everything_Nice )
> 
> Hope you Enjoy!  
> ~Vixen

_**Draco** _

 

I wander into my little flat. Open and crash on my bed, too tired to undress. My magic aches to be released, but without my wing the door and letting light fill the room. It’s late, and I’m so so tired. I drag my feet on the tileand, I haven’t been able too. I have no idea what would happen if I tried to use wandless magic. 

 

Ironic isn’t it? The one who was born into magic would be the one to lose it…

 

I want to sleep, I really do, yet my eyes refuse to close, just as they have for the past few years. I can’t remember the last time I slept peacefully. The last time my sleep wasn’t plagued with nightmares and dark dark memories. I can’t even remember the last time I got a full night of sleep. Last year maybe? When did the war even end? 

 

I can’t remember anymore. 

 

I only recall the pain, glares, and the curses. The screams and confused expressions. The sound of my  _ obliviate  _ ringing in the cold tunnel. The insane laughter of my aunt, and the blood. 

So so much blood, spots on the floor of the halls I used to run around in, splattered on the walls of what used to be my sanctuary, flowing out of my own body. I remember the pain, the tears, and, and…

 

Something else…

 

_ Someone  _ else…

 

Someone with bright green eyes… 

 

Someone who was once my mantra, and now I cannot even bring myself to think his given name.

 

The one who ended the Dark Lord. 

 

The one who both saved and cursed me. 

 

Cursed me to this life. 

 

My heart aches. 

 

I must stop. 

 

I turn my head toward the window. The senses around me slowly fade back in. The pitter-patter of the raindrops. The scent of mint and lavender from the mist gadget that Mimi gave me a while back, _ was it a month or a week ago? _ The feel of my covers that are bunched around me. And the light of the digital clock Mimi had taught me how to use. 

 

_ 5:08 am _

 

An hour before I should normally get up. I should sleep, or at least rest for a bit. But I get up, almost like a soulless husk. I have no purpose, I have no passion. None left… 

 

Everything is faded, so close yet feeling like it's so far, a galaxy away. Right in front of me, but out of my grasp. 

 

I stare at the mirror. My hair has long lost its shine. Although it is still white blond, it hangs limply and gives off a ‘grey’ vibe. I’m nearly skin and bones, I find no pleasure in food anymore, and I only eat occasionally to keep Mimi off my back. 

 

My clothes hang off my frame, and my eye bags are the most color my entire being has.

 

I sigh and trudge out of my apartment, the sun not even peeking out yet and the moon winking at me as I walk slowly down the streets, in a daze. 

 

I blink as I reach my destination. 

 

_Holly_ _and_ _Quill_ _._

 

The quaint little bookstore where I work, it’s my second home. 

 

I work day in and day out. All day every day. I don’t take breaks, not unless Mimi, the book store owner’s niece who works on the weekdays, pushes me out. 

 

She worries over me, her and her aunt, Miss. Daia. Some of the regulars worry over me as well, making small talk and occasionally baked goods that I can never taste.

 

I suppose that is the only light left in my life, after all, when you realize your mere existence is only to be used by those who ruined your meaning because they want you to save the people who hate your guts and want you dead-

 

Where was I even going with this again? 

 

I can’t recall…

 

I have a problem with that, always skipping around. Whether it be my thoughts, my conversations, or my approach at life… 

 

Harry used to hate when I would do that. 

 

Harry…

 

Light of my past life...

 

The one who used to be the only hope in my life...

 

Where even is Harry?

 

**~↿‘’↾~**

 


	2. 2: Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ' "Is this true?"
> 
> She looked at me for a second. No response.
> 
> "I said, IS THIS TRUE?"
> 
> She looked down, and let out a strangled 'yes'.
> 
> I dropped the file and stood there. '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said every week, buuuut I was too impatient.  
> Hope you enjoy!   
> ~Vixen

**_2: Harry_ **

 

The table is quiet as Ron, Hermione and I eat in silence. The only noise audible is the clinking of silverware against our plates, and the occasional lift and settle of a cup. 

 

While it wasn't comfortable, it wasn't exactly  _ uncomfortable.  _ I had gotten used to this after the war. It was common. But today was different. 

 

Hermione was playing with the sleeves of her jumper, something she only does when she's nervous. She keeps fiddling with her hands, eyeing her briefcase across the room. 

 

Finally, after dinner is almost over, she breaks the silence. 

 

"I wonder how Draco Malfoy is doing. "

 

I choke. Ron pats my back and shoots Hermine a questioning look. 

 

"What?"

 

I looked down at my plate, still full, and let the memories wash over me. I can't listen to her. I won't. It hurts too much. 

 

My chair slides back with a screech and I stand up. I won't listen. I refuse to. 

 

"Harry…"

 

"No, Hermione."

 

"Harry James Potter, you sit back down."

 

" _ No." _

 

She glares at me, but I couldn't care less. She knows how I feel. She can screw off, just like everyone else. 

 

I storm down the hall, heading toward my tiny bedroom, the one that reminds me of everything I had worked so hard to avoid about my childhood. 

 

"Harry, I found his file."

 

I stop. 

 

" _ What?" _

 

I turn to look at her.

 

"I was going through files from the war, and I found his. It's not important to the Ministry anymore, and I thought you'd like to take a peek at it."

 

My stare is incredulous. 

 

"Hermione, that's  _ illegal _ ."

 

She sniffs and waves her hand. 

 

"Illegal, shmegall. Just...just take a look at it, alright?"

 

She hands it to me, the warmth of her hands still evident on the yellow card back of the file in my hands. 

 

"A-alright."

 

I walk into my bedroom, and I hear Hermione picking up the last of the dishes and washing them in the sink. 

 

I allow myself to smile. Since when had Hermione become such a rebel? 

 

My smile fell. I knew the answer. 

 

It was the war. The war had changed her-had changed all of us. The screams, the pleas of mercy, the  _ blood _ . 

 

I shake my head, infutaly trying to shake the thoughts that so often leaked from my head. 

 

I opened the file once I was sitting on my bed. It was comfortable. But it wasn't like I even noticed anymore. 

 

The name  _ Draco Malfoy _ stated up at me, haunting me like a ghoul. I stared at that name for so long, and yet I had no idea what I wanted from it. 

 

Did I want it to change…? No. I could never ask him - _ it-  _ to change. 

 

I looked down further. There was a headshot. 

 

It was him at 16 years old. He had a grim expression on his face, and a dead look in his eyes. His white hair spilled over his pale porcelain face. 

 

It was a wizarding picture, I soon noticed. I could see him shift from place to place, his faux smile a mask. 

 

I laid my hand over the picture, blocking it from my view. I felt tears cloud my eyes, and my vision went blurry. 

 

I couldn't deal with memories of Draco Malfoy. I just- I  _ couldn't _ .

 

But I forced myself to keep reading. 

 

Most of it was things I already knew. Things about him that had been written down or marked.

 

As I neared the end, I read it. 

 

_ Ex Death Eater _

 

I looked away and squeezed my fist. This was what had broken us. What had kept us apart. 

 

I decided I'd keep reading. I'd finish it. And then I'd throw it out. I wasn't planning on keeping it. 

 

As I kept going, my eye was caught on something. On the very bottom, in tiny print, was a highlighted sentence. I turned on the light and leaned in closer, trying to make my eyes decipher what it said. 

 

I finally read it, and I dropped the folder. My eyes were wide, and my mouth had long since gone dry. 

 

I scrambled up, and ran into the living room. I held up the folder to Hermione's face.

 

" _ Is this true _ ?"

 

She looked at me for a second. No response. 

 

"I said,  _ IS THIS TRUE?" _

 

She looked down, and let out a strangled 'yes'. 

 

I dropped the file and stood there. I just  _ stood _ . I remembered the fight. I remembered the tears. I remembered the screaming and the pleading. I remember the ' _ Ex Death Eater'.  _

 

I look down at the tiny words, the words I know say:

' _ Coincidental; Secret spy for the light side. Fake Death Eater.  _ **_Keep hidden from the public_ ** _. May be useful later. _ '

 

And I scream. And I cry. And I break things. 

 

I barely hear Ron in the background, yelling at me to stop. I barely feel Hermione's warm hand on my arm, attempting to soothe me. All I see and hear and feel is my  _ rage _ . My  _ burning desire.  _

 

I storm to the door and yank my jumper off the rack. I slam the door on my way out. No one will stop me this time. 

 

I'm  **not** the same Harry that was so easy to control all those years ago.

 

And this time,  _ they'll regret it. _


	3. 3: Draco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " It becomes harder to find light in life when there is more at the end of the tunnel.
> 
>  
> 
> “Don’t go into the light!” Is the Muggle saying... But that is the only light I have left. "

**_3: Draco_ **

 

During the course of the war, Harry and I became very close. After all, we had a lot in common, being forced in this war by the main ‘leaders’ of each side, albeit on opposite sides. 

 

To say I fell in love with him during the war would be incorrect. Because I was already in love with him. From the moment I saw those green eyes that so closely resembled the killing curse I knew he would be my demise.  

 

And I wasn’t wrong. He  _ was  _ killing me. Slowly. Day by day, every moment of being away from him was like a knife stabbing me with every breath I took. 

 

_‘Why don’t you go to him?’_ They ask. _‘You were on the right side, no?’_

 

Ah, but that’s where it all went wrong…

 

The wizarding world will forever believe that Draco Malfoy was a Death Eater. My life as a secret spy shall remain that. A secret.

 

Why?

 

The Ministry says it’s because I’m in a prime spot right now. That  _ if _ there was another war, I would be a perfect spy. So the public couldn’t know. 

 

I guess it’s also easier for them, they wouldn’t have to worry about criminals coming after me because I had helped the Light win. 

 

I do a great job at avoiding the elephant that forever follows me around. 

 

My shift at work ends, it is afternoon. The sun has not even set, and won’t for a few hours. 

 

I keep working. Shelving and reshelving. Helping customers till they shoo me off with a frown or a fond smile. Redoing countless things behind the counter. Cleaning and sweeping and organizing. 

 

Repeating and Repeating. 

 

I don’t break for lunch, I don’t break for rest. 

 

I work and work and work. 

 

From before sunrise to the moon’s peak. 

 

Till Miss. Daia comes from her apartment to scold me and usher me back home. 

I’m afraid. I’m afraid if I stop I won’t start again. I’m afraid if I rest I won’t get up. If I think for too long I’ll become trapped. Trapped in memories. 

 

_'Get a therapist._ ' 

_'Talk to someone.'_

 

How can I explain a muggle about the pain of  _ Crucio _ ? The weight of tradition and family that is centuries old and unbending, yet I still bent it? How?

 

Who in the wizarding world will help me? I am only a criminal, a Death Eater to them. I am scum, and nothing else. They would want to break me further, not help. 

 

I am alone.

 

As I should be. 

 

I’m back at home, the moon had risen and I lay on my back up at the peeling ceiling of my dreary little apartment. My stomach cramps with hunger pains, yet the idea of eating makes me physically sick. 

 

It becomes harder and harder to believe that I was on the light side. That I was one of the heroes. 

 

It becomes harder to find light in life when there is more at the end of the tunnel. 

 

_ “Don’t go into the light!” _ Is the Muggle saying... But that is the only light I have left. 

 

My only other light is…

 

I turn on my right side, towards my window. It is raining again. The pitter-patter of droplets seems to soothe my aching pains. 

 

I still have Crucio spasms. My body is scarred, yet my mind is so so much worse. 

 

I can’t…

 

Squeezing my eyes shut as the familiar feeling of hopelessness overtakes me, I weep for what could have been. 

 

What could have been joy and light, there is numbness, pain, and greys. I could have been free, yet my wings have been broken and torn. Where I was once a social butterfly I am suffocatingly alone. 

 

I hope dawn arrives soon…

 

My eyes close of their own accord. 

 

_ Screams.  _

 

_ Loud and piercing.  _

 

_ Are those...mine?  _

 

_ I can’t feel anything but the burning pain. The pain unlike anything anyone could imagine.  _

 

_ How long has it been? _

 

_ I feel it in every part of my body. From the tips of my toes to every strand of my hair. How hair could hurt is something that is beyond me. My magic itself screams in agony and my soul sobs in pain.  _

 

_ The Crucio turns to my aunt’s searing knife on my mark, and the lashes that my uncle throws across my back. _

 

_ My aunt’s crazed laughter turns into the Dark Lord’s mocking laughs as the pain of the Cruciatus curse is added to the list of pain inflicted on my body.  _

 

_ I want it to stop. _

 

_ Please  _

 

_ Please… _

 

_ STOP _

 

I startle awake my gaze filled with tears, breathing short and panicked. 

 

I long for strong arms to anchor myself down with. For the voice that whispers sweet nothings in my ear, who makes me hot chocolate in the old Black Family kitchen and holds me close so I can drown out the laughter with his beating heart. 

 

But instead, I float between the nightmares, the memories, and reality. All the way up till dawn. I spring up with fresh tears at the thought of being late for work. 

 

I rush to work with tears and apologies on my lips when I see Mimi there. 

 

The next few moments are a blur as I tremble on the couch in the back room with her holding me, the fresh smell of tea, and Daia gazing at me worriedly as she pats my back. My sobs ruining Mimi’s blouse. 

 

But I can’t help but wish those arms were the ones of one Harry Potter. 

 

**~↿‘’↾~**


	4. 4: Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I looked into his grey eyes and asked one question. 
> 
> "Why?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How mad would you guys be if I said I almost forgot to update????
> 
> This is technically the last chapter, but of course, we wrote a Epilogue!!!
> 
> We aren't that cruel~   
> Ok that's a lie...
> 
> Enjoy!   
> ~Vixen

**_4: Harry_ **

 

I all about run into the Ministry of Magic. 

 

I am furious. I am  _ livid. _

 

How could they do that? How could they let the world treat him like that? How was he  _ ok _ with it?!

 

I storm down to Kingsley Shacklbolt's office. One I am inside, I slam the file down on his cherry wood desk. I don't have time for formalities. 

 

"P-potter?" He sputters.

 

" _ Why the hell is this hidden?" _

 

"What?"

 

I rip open the pages and slide my finger down to the article of truth.

 

"This is Draco Malfoy's file.  **Why** is it  _ hidden  _ that he was a spy for the light side?"

 

Kingsley looks up at me.

 

"How did you get this file?"

 

I hear the panic in his voice. 

 

"It doesn't fucking matter how I got the file. What matters is how you could dare hide this from all of us! Especially me!"

 

Kingsley looks pale.

 

"I…"

 

"You what, Kingsley? He's not some  _ toy _ or  _ pawn _ you can use and then put away for later! He's an actual human being with  _ real _ feelings! This is sick Kingsley. So  _ bloody _ sick. I had more faith in you than this!"

 

He has the audacity to look ashamed. 

 

"Don't start with that ashamed bullshit Kingsley. I want you to find out where he is, then I want you to tell me where, and finally I want you to announce to the entirety of the wizarding that Draco Malfoy is innocent!"

 

"Well look here, Harry, I can't just meet your demands like this-"

 

" _ I'M HARRY BLOODY POTTER, AND YOU CAN MEET WHATEVER DEMANDS I ASK OF YOU _ ."

 

"But Harry-"

 

"Listen Kingsley. You know I hate being 'Harry Potter'. You know I hate being the 'Chosen One'. But if being that means I can bring my full force down on you to do what I ask, them by Merlin I won't regret it one bit.  _ Please _ Kingsley. I need you to do this."

 

He stares at me for a moment, and then sighs.

 

"Alright, Harry. But any blame will fall on you. "

 

"That’s more than fine with me _. _ "

 

I sit down, and let him do what he needs to do. Finally, he gives me an address in Muggle London.

 

I stand up and gather my stuff. Then I apparate to the address. It's a cute little house, and as soon as I see it, I know it's Draco's. 

 

As I walk to the door and stand on the doormat, I realize I hadn't thought to wonder if he was even home.

 

I knock on the door, so softly I would be surprised if someone answered. I stepped back and looked around. There were flowers lined up neatly in little rows.

 

And then the door opened.

 

 I came face to face with Draco Malfoy. The man I loved. The man I continued to love. The man I couldn't  _ stop _ loving. 

 

We looked at each other for a while. Just  _ looked _ . And then I ran at him. He collapsed into me and I hugged him as tight as I could. As if my life depended on it.  _ It did _ . 

 

I pulled away and trailed kisses up and down his jaw.  _ God how I had missed this _ . 

 

I put my nose to his pale neck and breathed in his scent. Musky and mysterious. Still the same smell from all those years ago. 

 

I put my lips to his neck again and sucked on the unmarked skin. He shook and pressed himself into me. After I had gotten my fill of him, the drug I had missed for so long, I pulled away.

 

I looked into his grey eyes and asked one question. 

 

" _ Why?" _

 

His eyes glassed over, and then big tears started falling from his eyes. 

 

"I-"

 

"Why, Draco? I didn't want you to go. I  _ knew _ you weren't evil. Even if you had been, I would have loved you anyway. But you pushed me away. You told me how you were an ex death eater. You told me how you were the reason for the deaths of so many of my friends. And then you  _ ran away. _ I looked for you for so  _ long _ . But I couldn't take it anymore Draco. I couldn't find you. You wouldn't  _ let me _ ." 

 

Draco hugged me tighter. 

 

"I know, Harry,  _ I know _ . But I couldn't live with myself knowing what I done."

 

"Darling, you haven't done  _ anything _ . You were a  **spy** for the light side! Merlin, why did you leave? Don't you know how worried I've been?"

 

Draco pulled away and kissed me on the lips, long and sweet. 

 

"Merlin, I've missed you Harry."

 

"I've missed you too, love."

 

He hugged me again, never letting go. 

 

"Harry- I'm so sorry. So, so sorry."

 

"I forgive you darling. I forgive you a hundred times over. 

 

His tears stained my shirt, but I couldn't care less. I had him in my arms.

 

After a few minutes I stood up and lifted him up with me.

 

"Come on, love. Let's go inside."

 

He nodded and let me lead him. 

 

It was nice and quiet around the house. Nothing but the bare necessities, but it was homey. 

 

"This is nice, Draco."

 

He smiled. 

 

"I like it."

 

Draco went into the kitchen, and I followed. I watched him put water in the kettle, and admired him from afar. 

 

He turned and stared at me.

 

"What?"

 

"You're so  _ beautiful _ ."

 

He blushed and looked down. 

 

"Come here."

 

He walked over and stood in front of me. I was sitting down on a chair, and I stood up.

 

I kissed him again. But this time it was fast and passionate. He stepped back, obviously not expecting what I did. But in under 2 seconds he was on me again. 

 

We were kissing, hungrily eating at each other. It had been  _ so long _ . 

 

I hoisted him up and slid him onto the counter. He giggled beneath my lips. Eventually, I trailed down to his neck again. I went over the mark I had left earlier, and enjoyed feeling him shiver against me. 

 

I pulled his shirt off over his head, and continued. He slung his hands around my neck and pulled me closer. I leaned in to kiss him again, but before I could get very far, the kettle went off. 

 

I yelled out a string of curses and went to turn it off. When I got back Draco was laughing, and holding his sides. He jumped down off the counter. I frowned and walked over to him. 

 

"Drakeeee~"

 

He looked at me and smirked. Then he walked toward his bedroom. 

 

"Are you coming?"

 

He closed the door, and I followed suit, laughing the entire way. 

**~↿‘’↾~**


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " All was well…
> 
> “Teddy! Get off that broom!” 
> 
> Well, almost (; "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the sweet comments! I love you all!  
> ~Vixen

 

"Harry, I'm not a damsel in distress!"

 

Harry rolls his eyes.

 

"I know that, Love!"

 

Molly comes into the kitchen 'tutting' under her breath. 

 

"Boys! Stop fighting! Not at this family get together!"

 

They both jump, and turn to wrath that is Molly Weasley.

 

"Sorry!" They say simultaneously. She gives them a soft glare and leaves.

 

"I'm sorry, Dray. But I was so mad! It wasn't fair! I promise I'll never do it again!"

 

Draco smiled at Harry and grabbed his hand.

 

"It's ok, love. I forgive you."

 

Then Draco kissed Harry on the nose and stood up. 

 

"Alright. Let's go join everyone else. I don't wanna fight with you anymore. I love you."

 

Harry smiled and stood up.

 

"What are we waiting for, then?"

 

They walked outside, and it was such a beautiful picture. 

 

Teddy was out on the lawn, chasing butterflies and rolling on the grass. Fred and George were talking to the rest of the family about their new prank supply. Ginny and Bill were flying on their brooms and playing a small game of 1 on 1 Quidditch. ~~Ginny was obviously kicking Bill's arse.~~

 

Harry sighed happily. This is what he had always wanted. A _family_. He turned and looked at Draco, who gave him a 1,000 watt smile. 

 

Harry chuckled to himself. This was _exactly_ what he had always wanted. They were all bred to die. But they all had fought to _live_. And Merlin, was it worth what they had now. 

 

Sure there were hiccups here and there. It took weeks to rebuild Draco’s self worth. To make him believe that truly did deserve to be ‘saved’, although he hated when anyone put it that way. Draco goes regularly to a mind healer, the same one Harry goes to. Harry even gets the occasional nightmare here and there, but they were happy. Slowly but surely, they fought. And they won.

 

_All was well…_

 

“Teddy! Get off that broom!” 

 

_Well, almost (;_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Guys I hope you enjoyed! This was another one of our small projects but we promise to focus on Amaryllis… 
> 
> Well… Unless I get another Headcanon ;)
> 
> Dee’s gonna kill me, but oh well!
> 
> Leave a comment, and let us know if you enjoyed!  
> ~Vixen

**Author's Note:**

> Updates every week,  
> I kinda feel like a dragon hoarding this because for once we actually held back on posting until we finished the fic!  
> Are you proud of us?  
> XOXO  
> ~Vixen


End file.
